Wish Him Well in the Future

DR. WALLACE: Jonathon and I have been dating for about five months. I do like him and we have lots of fun together. I also have many girlfriends. Some of us have been close friends since we were in kindergarten. There are times I want to be with these friends, especially when one is having a birthday party. I also like to watch a movie with a few friends or go to the mall with them.

Whenever this occurs, Jonathon gets all paranoid and thinks that I put my friends before him. I like Jonathon, but I'm not married to him. He's a part of my life but not my entire life. I've tried to explain this to him, but he refuses to understand how I feel.

It all came to a head last weekend. We had a movie date planned for Saturday night, but something came up with his family, so he wanted to change the date to Friday night. I told him I couldn't go on Friday night because three of my girlfriends and I were going to a theatrical production at our local university. He told me to break the date with them and go out with him. When I refused, he got mad and hung up on me.

Yesterday when I saw him, he gave me an ultimatum: I had to see him every Friday and Saturday night or else we had to break up. If I wanted to see my friends, it would have to be on Sunday night or during the week. Remember, I do like Jonathon. Help! — Sandy, San Luis Obispo, Calif.

SANDY: Jonathan's immaturity is showing. He wants to preserve the relationship by controlling you. He has no right whatsoever to issue an ultimatum and you shouldn't allow it, no matter how much you care for him. If he is unable to relax and let you enjoy your friends, he doesn't deserve to be with you.

This problem can be solved, as long as both of you show basic respect to one another. Whenever you plan to be with your friends, regardless of the day, let Jonathon know as far in advance as possible. Of course, he has the same option to spend time with his own friends. Those dates with friends must then be honored by the other person, without complaint and definitely without ultimatum.

If Jonathon doesn't agree to this proposal, tell him you no longer want to see him and wish him well in the future.

YOU OWE HER MORE THAN AN APOLOGY

DR. WALLACE: I met Lori through a mutual friend. The moment we met, she had a crush on me, but I thought she was only average in all respects. About a week after we met, Lori got my telephone number from the friend and called me, inviting me to attend a party with her. Out of curiosity, I accepted. We had a pretty good time, so I asked her out the following weekend. She eagerly accepted.

We dated for about a month, and then I decided to end the relationship. I called her and told her I wasn't going to be dating her anymore because she didn't turn me on. This made her mad and she called me a stupid jerk. This made me mad and I swore at her. Then she started crying and hung up on me.

Now here is where I need some advice. Do I owe her an apology (remember that she called me a stupid jerk first), or should I just let things stand as they are? Regardless, I'm not going to go out with her again. — Ron, Halifax, Nova Scotia.

RON: Any guy who swears at a girl owes her a sincere apology and a lot more. How about a dozen roses, with a note that says, "I apologize," and sign it, "The Stupid Jerk"?

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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