Pray for his Safe Return Home

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and the guy I was dating is in the military in Iraq. I haven't seen him in over seven months, but we do write to each other.

About a month ago, I met a guy at a holiday party. He was super nice and we really hit it off. I have now come to the conclusion that I want to end my relationship with the guy in the military, but because he is defending our country, I would feel funny sending a "Dear John" letter to him.

What should I do? I told this guy that I would wait for him, but now that's not going to happen. I've already gone out with my new guy several times, and I truly believe he's the one for me. Somehow I think it would be better telling my military guy when he returns home in eight months. So, now I would continue writing to him and making him believe that we are still a couple. I really don't want him to feel bad. It would be like I'm unpatriotic if I told him goodbye while he is protecting our country. — Emma, Philadelphia.

EMMA: There's nothing patriotic about lying, nor can any good come from it on a personal level. You must write and tell this guy the truth: You've met someone else and want to end the relationship. Thank him for all the good times and wish him well. Tell him that you will pray for his safe return home.

Believe me, the truth is always less painful than a lie, especially a prolonged one. He has to know your real feelings so he can make plans for the future. Yours won't be the last "Dear John" letter written to a person in the military. Things happen when people are separated for long periods of time.

SCHOOLS OWE STUDENTS A QUALITY EDUCATION

DR. WALLACE: I am a ninth-grader at Bolsa Grande High School in Garden Grove, Calif. I'm writing because I'm told that you were both a coach and an administrator in the Garden Grove School District, and I would like your reply to my letter.

I am very concerned with the overemphasis placed on high-school athletics. Personally, I think athletes are given special treatment by teachers, coaches and administrators. Some athletes are even treated like little gods. And all of this is at the expense of students like me who are short, fat, ugly and really uncoordinated.

I know I'm smarter than most of the athletes, but I have to study hard to make good grades. The athletes I know rarely study, but they are always on the honor roll. I'm not in favor of eliminating high-school sports, but I feel that athletes should spend as much time studying as they spend at sports practice. I know that sports can provide college scholarships for some sport stars, but for the vast majority of athletes, it's just an ego thing.

When was the last time you heard of a girl winning an athletic scholarship for badminton? My wish is that parents, coaches and administrators remember that sports are "extracurricular" programs, not curricular. — Katelyn, Garden Grove, Calif.

KATELYN: You are a very wise young lady, and as a former high-school basketball coach and high-school administrator, I couldn't agree with you more. Schools that place the success of their athletic teams above that of academic excellence are doing their students a grave injustice.

Participation in high-school sports, for both boys and girls, can be a wonderful experience both physically and mentally, and winning helps build campus and community pride. But we should all do our best to see that the school system does its job in providing a quality education for ALL students. Schools owe it to their students to accept them as they are and to take them as far as their intelligence and ability will allow them to go.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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