We Are Ready for a Sexual Relationship

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I are truly in love with each other and both know that we will become husband and wife someday. Both of us feel we are ready for a sexual relationship. My boyfriend is 100 percent for it, and I'm about 75 percent in favor of it.

I know that you will tell me to listen to the 25 percent that doubts a sexual relationship should begin soon. — Nameless, Goshen, Ind.

NAMELESS: Please read the following e-mail from a young lady who told me about her first sexual encounter with a guy she thought would be her husband, and the problems that came later. Her words come from experience and are much more important than any of mine.

DR. WALLACE: It is really difficult to write this letter, but it is something I must do, perhaps to forgive myself a little bit. It seemed like it happened in another lifetime, but the sad truth is that I had an abortion one year ago today. I was then 18 and had been dating my boyfriend for over a year. We weren't sexually active, but one night we got carried away, and we both had our first sexual experience. I thought that eventually we would be husband and wife. I was wrong.

Two months later, my doctor told me that I was pregnant. My boyfriend split and I never heard from him again. I have never felt so alone and frightened in my life. I didn't know what to do. I loved children, but I wasn't ready to be a mother. I am not close to my parents and was afraid to tell them I was pregnant, so I decided it would be best for me to have an abortion. I started crying the day I made that decision, and I've cried every day since. I still have a hard time concentrating. All I can think of is my unborn baby.

Three months after the abortion, I seriously contemplated taking my life. Somehow I overcame my severe bouts of depression, but I still can't look at a picture of a baby without wondering what mine would have looked like.

This letter is not about abortion — it's about premarital sex. I feel obligated to warn teens that there is much more to sex than a moment of pleasure. I now know that I was not in a position to handle the responsibilities of the "day after," the guilt, the emotional pain, the feeling of a lost virginity, and eventually an unexpected pregnancy. Of course, I should have been on the pill. Of course, he should have used a condom, but I'm proof that it doesn't always work out that way. When we went out that evening on a date, we did not plan to have sex. We never did before. It just happened.

Teens, please don't get involved in sex until you and your partner are willing to accept all of the responsibilities that go along with it. That time is when the couple is husband and wife. I made a very wrong decision and it will haunt me the rest of my life. — Nameless, El Paso, Texas

NAMELESS: Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure it will serve as a warning to many teens. I hope writing about what happened also helps you put it behind you. It sounds as though you went through the ordeal alone, which would increase the difficulty immeasurably. My heartfelt hope is that you find peace of mind.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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