Thursday, June 5

Let the girl go

DR. WALLACE: I need your advice, and fast. I'm in love with a very special girl who lives in Fort Smith, Ark. The distance between us isn't the problem. It's the fact that she is marrying another guy.

Dr. Wallace, I love this girl with all of my heart. She is very special to me. What should I do? - Tim, Talladega, Ala.

TIM: If you love her with all your heart, wish her every happiness and let her go. There is absolutely nothing else you can do.

Sorry. We all must face heartbreak sometime in our lives, and there's never an easy way to deal with it, but the route to quickest recovery lies in acceptance and forgiveness. Any notion of crashing your true love's wedding, bringing her to her senses and rescuing her from a humdrum life without you, is idle fantasy born of too many viewings of the 1960s mega-hit "The Graduate." She has made a decision and you must respect it. Failure to do so is pure selfishness.

Indeed, the only way we truly learn how to love is to have our heart broken. Only in that way do we learn the one we love is a separate person, fully independent of us, to be appreciated and savored. We see then that love is an act of grace, not our entitlement. This is the lesson you must learn, Tim. It's a tough one, but when you do, your chances of success will be far greater the next time you fall in love.

TRUE LOVE WILL TRIUMPH

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I are in love and it feels wonderful. He means everything to me and I could never ask for a better person.

But one thing scares me. We are going to be attending different colleges and that means we won't be able to see each other very much. I want him to be with me the rest of my life and he said he would wait for me. Do you think our love can keep us together? - Joanie, Sycamore, Ill.

JOANIE: Yes! True love overcomes all obstacles. You both will have ample time to be together during holiday and summer breaks.

DON'T LET OTHERS DICTATE YOUR WEIGHT

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl who really needs your advice. I am 5 feet 6 inches tall and weigh 122 pounds. I consider myself to be overweight. People who know me think I have the perfect shape and would love to have my body build. But for some reason I see myself as fat. I'm constantly on a diet because I want to be thin. My parents think I'm obsessed with the "thin is in" look, and maybe I am, but I don't think that's such a bad thing. Do you? - Sarah, Atlanta.

SARAH: The "thin is in" look for females is a manufactured image sold to the public by advertisers trying to move their products. Don't allow media hype to get a chokehold on your eating habits. If you do, you could become the victim of an eating disorder.

One of the major symptoms of anorexia nervosa is the feeling of being overweight regardless of objective reality. In no way is someone of your weight and height fat! I suggest that you visit your family doctor for a complete physical and discuss your feelings of being overweight. You might be encouraged to seek professional counseling.

© Copley News Service

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