Saturday, June 7

Break the ice, then ask for a date

DR. WALLACE: There is a certain girl at school that I would like to know better. But my problem is that I'm shy and even though I'm a good high school athlete and a rather popular student, I've never had a girlfriend or been on a date. Any help that you can give to help me "break the ice" will be appreciated. Needless to say, please don't print my name. - Shy Guy, Davenport, Iowa.

SHY GUY: I suggest you do a little preliminary work. Ask around and find out what this girl's interests are, and then, at an opportune moment, bring up the subject.

Start out, for example, by saying, "Hi, I understand you're a big fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes," or, "I saw you in the school play and you were terrific." Once you've broken the ice, ask her questions that require more than one-word answers and listen with interest.

Don't push the first conversation to be anything more than casual and don't expect love at first sight. At least now she'll know who you are. The next time you talk with her, you both will feel more comfortable and it might be time to ask her out.

BINGE DRINKING DEFINED

DR. WALLACE: My best friend is in her first year at the University of Wisconsin. We stay in close contact by e-mail and an occasional phone call.

Last week she e-mailed me and said she is seeing a really nice guy who is also the president of his fraternity and active in national politics. My friend is also active in national politics, which is how they met. But she did mention that this guy had one small problem: He was a binge drinker.

I kind of know what this means, but I'm not quite sure. Can you please tell me what a binge drinker is? - Anne, Green Bay, Wis.

ANNE: You may want to tell your friend that the guy she is seeing has more than a small problem. Binge drinking is the serious pursuit of self-destruction. For guys, binge drinking is defined as consuming five drinks in rapid succession. Girls are considered binge drinkers if they knock back four in a row. Binge drinkers are 10 times as likely to drive after drinking as other students, seven times as likely to have unprotected sex and 11 times as likely to fall behind in their studies, according to a survey conducted by the Alcohol Studies Program at Harvard School of Public Health.

Of the more than 17,000 students surveyed on 140 campuses nationwide, almost half - 44 percent - of the students who drank said they had binged at least once. Nineteen percent said they were frequent bingers, having done so at least three times in a 14-day period.

NO, THIS IS NOT REALLY A DATE

DR. WALLACE: I'm a very mature 13-year-old girl who is active in my youth group at church and I make good grades in school. Last week, a boy I like called and asked me to go to the movies with him and his parents. My parents said no because I was too young to be going out on a date. I don't think this qualifies as a date. Do you? - Nameless, Moncton, New Brunswick.

NAMELESS: No, joining another family to see a movie doesn't seem like a date, but apparently mom and dad thought it did. Something about the situation made them uneasy. Next time, ask the boy to have one of his parents contact your parents and ask permission to take you to a movie with the family. If a parent does the asking, your parents may be put at ease and say yes.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Write to him at Copley News Service, P.O. Box 120190, San Diego, CA 92112 or e-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net.

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