Now, another installment in our unwelcome summer series for children, "Things to Do When There's Nothing to Do and It's Too Hot to Do It." Now, kids, here is today's cool idea:

Ask the postman if he'd like to take off his clothes and play in the sprinkler.

Take an afternoon camping trip in the back yard. Be sure to pick all the gnats out of the mayonnaise before you put it back in the refrigerator.

Draw pictures on your underwear.

Water the lawn and the cat and the Avon Lady.

See if you can cook an omelet on the sidewalk. Be sure to use plenty of Crisco.

Pierce the dog's ears.

Paint the couch.

Make a statue of your parents using flour, water, and Doritos.

If you want to try something really wild, hang up your clothes.