In pro basketball you get six fouls -- which is impossible unless you carry a knife. Or step on a referee.

    My cousin became a basketball referee because he likes to whistle while he works.

    Tall? This guy needs binoculars to trim his toenails.

    But remember, professor, if you can get 10,000 people to pay ($19.00) each to cheer your English class twice a week, you too can make as much money as the basketball coach.

    My high school team was really bad. Sometimes, to avoid embarrassment, the whole team would foul out in the first quarter.

    Our fight song was Braham's Lullaby.

    Our center's name was Stick. He was 7-3 and weighed 119. For the tip-off we had to prop him up.
     Stick couldn't jump at all but, boy, could he stretch.
     He could dunk the ball with both feet flat on the floor. But he always got his elbow stuck in the net.
     Stick's problem was he couldn't run. He loped.
     And we'd have to call time out to let him change directions.
     One night we were on a fast break and Stick loped in for a layup. He made it but he couldn't stop. He landed upside-down in the band with his head stuck in a tuba.
     He was hurt really bad. For three days he had to breathe through a clarinet.

     There are two types of colleges: those who wish they'd fired their basketball coach last year and those who wish they hadn't.

     I know all the basketball terms. Like "fast break." That's when it's almost half time and you want to be first in line for the men's room.

     I'll never forget the first time I slam-dunked a basketball. Wow, what a feeling. I nearly fell off the ladder.

     I'll never forget my last slam-dunk. Splashed coffee all over myself.

     Stand tall, young Americans, the future is yours. Especially if you can dribble and shoot.

     I won't say ALL referees are blind. I haven't seen them all.

     For a high school team the big goal is a 100-point game. For my old high school team, it was a 100-point season.

     My best game was 14 points -- 12 in the second half. The other team was so far ahead they left at halftime.
     We almost won that game.