Comedy Calendar

July 10, 2010

       Wyoming became the 44th state on this day in 1890. Wyoming has plenty of nothing. In fact, Wyoming has more nothing than any other state except Texas. Texas has more nothing, but Wyoming's nothing is prettier.


     James Whistler was born on this date in 1834. Whistler became famous for painting his mother. He said the worst part of sanding and priming her.


     The tuxedo life jacket was patented on this day in 1880. It was a formal dinner jacket with a built-in airbag that could be inflated instantly, perfect for formal gatherings aboard sinking cruise ships.
     Unfortunately, a companion invention, a formal evening gown that converted instantly into a life raft, didn't go over very well.


     Wyoming became the 44th U.S. state on this day in 1890. Wyoming is noted for its beauty and its sheep. It has the most beautiful mountains and valleys and intercontinental ballistic missiles in the U.S.
     And the ugliest sheep in the world.
     Wyoming sheep are so ugly, they're often mistaken for Cabbage Patch goats.


     Today's exciting Wyoming trivia question:
     Besides its beauty and missiles and oil, what is Wyoming most proud of?
     Wyoming is most proud of its equality. Wyoming leads the nation in equality. Nobody is more equal than Wyomingites. In Wyoming even the sheep can vote if they want to.
     But you know how sheep are. If one of them decides to stay home from the polls, the rest follow in droves.


     Canada's first drive-in movie opened on this day in 1946 in Hamilton, Ontario. It was ultra-modern. Double-dating couples could even rent a car with two back seats.
     They also had double-decker buses for couples who preferred the balcony.


     On this day in 1958 Britain’s first parking meter was installed. If you’ve never seen a British parking meter, just imagine Prince Charles standing on a curb with someone putting a quarter in his ear.


     On this day in 1991 Boris Yeltsin was inaugurated as the first freely elected president of Russia. His first official action was to put the paperwork in motion to get a Hooters in the Kremlin.


     The Dinosaur Rodeo is this week in Vernal, Utah. It’s probably a rodeo for very old cowboys. Which wouldn’t be so bad if they also use very old cows.


     Mel Blanc died at age 81 on this day in 1989. He was the voice of dozens of cartoon characters. To mark the occasion, Bugs Bunny will observe a moment of silence—then invite Elmer Fudd over for memorial carrot cake.


     Adolphus Busch was born in Germany on this day in 1839. Busch and his father-in-law, Eberhard Anheuser, opened a brewery in St. Louis and developed a process to pasteurize beer, thus paving the way for an American tradition--the cheap drunk.


     This is National Nude Recreation week, sponsored by the Naturist Society. The Naturists believe all the problems of modern life can be solved by taking off your clothes. Except possibly the problem of how to cope with the laughter when you're jogging.


     Today is the Day of the Librarian in Chile. You can help celebrate by returning all your overdue librarians.


     James McNeill Whistler was born on this day in 1834. Whistler became famous for painting his mother. She was lucky he wasn't studying upholstery.


     The big Lobster Festival is this week in Shediac, New Brunswick. A lobster is sort of a crawdad that got out of control. Lobsters are too ugly to eat, but that doesn't stop some people.


     Nikola Tesla was born in Yugoslavia on this day in 1856. Tesla originated alternating current, without which we'd still be getting our electricity by flying kites in thunderstorms.


     The first film of a presidential candidate was taken at Fairview, Nebraska, on this day in 1908. The movie shows William Jennings Bryan's campaign train leaving a fund-raising rally. And  that's the first film footage showing voters waving goodbye to their money.


     One of baseball's worst pitching performances occurred on this day in 1932 when Philadelphia pounded Cleveland's Ed Rommel for 17 runs on 29 hits. Yet get this -- Rommel was the winning pitcher. Cleveland won the game 18 to 17.
     In a game like that, by the 9th inning, I bet the basepaths had
ruts.


     The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S., 134 degrees, occurred in Death Valley, California, on this date in 1913. Now that's hot. For a cowboy to make it through Death Valley in those days, he needed an air conditioned horse.


     Nikola Tesla was born on this day in 1856. Tesla invented alternating current. They say he received so many electrical shocks, his body actually began to store electricity. It was Mrs. Tesla, by the way, who after kissing her husband, wrote the hit song, "You Light Up My Ears."


     On this day in 1985 Coca-Cola announced in Chicago it would resume selling the old formula Coke. The guy who had the idea to change the most successful product in the history of marketing still sold Coke -- but only at Cubs' games.


      Today is Independence Day in the Bahamas, marking an end of 250 years of British rule on this day in 1973. That was the day the famous Bahamas' patriot Rico Rumball, rode through the countryside in his BMW yelling, "The British are leaving! The British are leaving!"


      On this day in 1989 the Monkeys received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Too bad it melted during the riot.


     Wyoming became the 44th U.S. state on this day in 1890. To mark the occasion, at high noon in a bikini, Miss Wyoming will shear a sheep in Cheyenne.


     Canada's first drive-in movie theater opened in Hamilton, Ontario, on this day in 1946. The first U.S. drive-in had opened in 1933, but in those days Canadians were a little slower. They didn't really need a drive-in movie until 13 years later when enough Canadians finally got a date.


     George Dallas, the 11th U.S. vice-president, was born on this date in 1792. They named a city after him in Texas. In Texas they name something after every vice-president. -- like that famous endangered bird -- the Whooping Cheney.


     Most people believe this day in 1913 was the hottest day in U.S. history when Death Valley recorded 134 degrees. But most people forget July 16, 1945, when Alamogordo, New Mexico, recorded 5,813 degrees -- during an atomic bomb explosion.


     Adolph Busch was born on this date in 1842. He built the world's largest brewery in St. Louis. He knew beer drinkers needed a lot of beer, because it tastes terrible and you have to drink fast so your tongue gets drunk and can't taste it.


     America's only famous vice-president was born on this day in 1792. He became famous because in 1841 a group of Americans settled along the Trinity River in Texas, where just across the river a French settlement called La Reunion already existed. At first, the American's called their town Peter's Colony, but in 1845 they decided a catchier name might help lure residents from La Reunion. And for some unexplained reason, they chose the name of the newly elected U.S. Vice-President George M. Dallas.
     Today, of course, everybody's heard of Dallas, but nobody remembers
George Dallas. Still, for a vice-president, that's not bad.
     By the way, the Dallas strategy worked. La Reunion was abandoned and everybody moved to Dallas, and I'm glad. I mean, can you imagine Jerry Jones or Mark Cuban with a
French accent?

Copyright © 2010 by Joe Hickman