Comedy Calendar

May 13

Dennis Rodman was born on this day in 1961. Dennis was basketball’s best rebounder and had America’s most creative hair. But the most amazing thing about Dennis was that, even with all his tattoos, he still didn't drip multi-colored sweat.

On this day in 1992 Frank Stallone out-boxed Geraldo Rivera on the Howard Stern Show. It was a great stunt, but it could’ve been even greater if they’d stuffed their gloves in Howard’s mouth.

Cyrus McCormick, founder of International Harvester, died on this day in 1884. Cyrus believed man should reap what he sowed, so he invented the reaper. Ironically, Cyrus never learned to sew, even after Isaac Singer invented the sewing machine.

This day in 1865 is the day they drove ole Dixie down. It was a dark day in the South: Richmond fell, the grits market crashed, and Jefferson Davis' duck went lame.
But they couldn't keep ole Dixie down. Richmond picked herself up, dusted herself off, and started all over again glory glory hallelujah look away Disneyland!

The U.S. declared war on Mexico on this day in 1846. This seemed like a good idea since General Zachary Taylor and the U.S. Army had invaded Mexico two months earlier. So Congress decided it was time for action!

Singer Stevie Wonder was born on this day in 1950. He was born Steveland Judkins Morris, but at age 13 he became a recording artist and changed his name. He had to, it wouldn’t fit on a single.

Happy birthday to Dennis Rodman. He’ll get a birthday tattoo and go shopping at that new boutique for confused cross-dressing retired power forwards—Victoria’s Foot Locker.

Motown great Mary Wells was born on this day in 1943. Her biggest hit song was "My Guy." If she recorded it today, it would be called "My Significant Other."

The Lemuralia was underway on this date in ancient Rome. It was a festival propitiating the ghosts of the dead, according to legend and Shirley MacLaine.
I think she covered it for The Naples Enquirer.

On this day in 1846 the U.S. declared war on Mexico. Mexico responded by doubling prices at all souvenir stands.

Edgar Rice Burroughs, the man who created Tarzan, enlisted in the army on this date in 1896. He got the idea for Tarzan from his commanding officer, who couldn't speak English and had the brains of cheetah.

Today's exciting Tarzan trivia question: How did the movie and TV Tarzans ever create such a blood-curdling yell?
Tarzan's most famous movie and TV yell was not a human yell. It was a combination of the recorded sounds of a violin G-string, a hyena's howl, a dog's growl, and a camel's bleat. Obviously, such an inhuman sound could only have come from the strangest of creatures -- or possibly Carol Burnett.

Today is Hummingbird Goose Day in Goose Bay, Oregon, the day hitch-hiking hummingbirds disembark from the geese they ride north for the summer. The adult hummingbirds just snuggle into the goose’s down and say, "Hey, honk when we get there."
The younger hummingbirds keep yelling, "Are we there yet?"

During a battle with a group of militants, Philadelphia police accidentally burned down 61 homes on this day in 1985. Today, to mark the occasion, Philly police will burn down another neighborhood while singing, "Happy Anniversary."

Captain John Smith arrived at Jamestown on this day in 1607. The mayor, Chief Running Redenbacher, tried to sell him some popcorn.

Sun Records of Memphis signed Johnny Cash on this date in 1955. John was right off the farm. He used the signing bonus to have his guitar treated for termites.

This is Preakness Frog Hop Week in Baltimore. Frog racing could be big business if we could just get bookies involved in it. Then we could tax it and earmark the money for wart research.

Joe Louis, the Brown Bomber, was born on this date in 1914. Joe was World Heavyweight Boxing Champion from 1937 to 1949, successfully defending his title 25 times. They say fighting Louis was a lot like going the opera -- it almost always put you to sleep.

On this day in 1955 Sun Records signed Johnny Cash & the Tennessee Two. Aided by Luther Perkins and Marshall Grant, Cash created country music's most unique sound with simple songs about trains and prison. He was so successful, Johnny actually owned his train -- but the never found a prison for sale.