Comedy Calendar

September 9, 2011

      On this day in 1983 Radio Shack announced a color computer, the Coco-2. If you still have one, the good news is with a little silicone it makes a cool aquarium.

     William the Conqueror stopped conquering on this date in 1087. He conquered everybody and then died in a parade when his horse fell on him. It was so sad, his son Willie Jr. wrote a song about it: "Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Conquerors."

     Actor Michael Keaton is 60 today. Michael is living proof that in America even someone from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood can grow up to be Batman.

     On this day in 1978 Illinois legalized the use of marijuana to treat cancer and glaucoma. My grandmother's glaucoma was treated with marijuana, and she suffered a serious side-effect: She became addicted to MTV.

     In Louisville on this day in 1978 Colonel Harland Sanders celebrated his 88th birthday by opening the world's first chicken museum. Today, fried chicken lovers everywhere will honor the Colonel's memory in the ceremonial "Licking of the Fingers."

     William the Conqueror stopped conquering on this date in 1087. He was riding conqueringly through the ruins of France when he fell off his horse.
     He was not wearing his saddle belt.
     Conquerors don’t always listen to their mothers.
     His last words were, "Oh, I’m so embarrassed I could just die!"

     On this day in 1941 Otis Redding was born. His classic "Sittin’ On the Dock of the Bay" was covered by Michael Bolton. Michael wouldn’t actually sit on the dock of the bay, of course, since salt water made his hair impossible to manage.

     Colonel Harland Sanders was born on this date in 1890. Colonel Sanders founded Kentucky Fried Chicken, and today every North American adult female chicken will face Louisville and lay an egg in his memory.
     Heck, I may lay one myself.

     On his 88th birthday in 1978, Colonel Sanders opened the world's first chicken museum. That was the day chickens everywhere gave the Colonel a laying ovation.
     Unfortunately, the Colonel passed on before divulging the secret everyone wanted to know: Which came first -- the chicken or the egg or the pantyhose?

     On this date in 1850 California became a state. Today, to mark the occasion, everyone in Southern California will get a new nose ring, spray paint their hair, and pretend it's just another day.

     On this day in 1850 California became the 31st U.S. state. That’s where the sport of surfing was started -- when somebody went swimming with an ironing board.

     Actor Michael Keaton is 60 today. Michael is famous as one of the movies’ Batmans, and all he really wants for his birthday is one more shot at luring Cat Woman into the Bat Cave.

    Actor Michael Keaton is 60 today. I wonder what that is in bat years.

     The first bowling convention was held in New York City on this day in 1895. It was a disaster. Instead of water balloons, conventioneers kept dropping bowling balls out the windows.

     Communist Chinese leader Mao Tsu Tung died on this day in 1976. And at last report he was still dead.

     On this date in 1978 Czech tennis star Martina Navratilova defected to the West. There was a lot of paperwork, because in those days nobody took a Czech without three forms of  I.D.

     Colonel Harland Sanders was born on this day in 1890. He founded Kentucky Fried Chicken. If he knew they'd shortened the name to KFC, he'd roll over in his bucket.