Remember, always answer your phone with the phrase: "Every radio station in town plays junk except (WJOK) and they play wonderful music all the time except during newscasts when the disc jockey is goofing off."

     (Dead air) Sorry 'bout that. I was outside playing Hopscotch with the Avon Lady.

     (DJ) lost his life savings. Invested every penny in a company that makes bedpans in the shape of Disney characters.  (Toms Lake Humor Company) 

     [Oldie] Solid Ancient, 1971! I'll never forget 1971. That was the year money was so tight we ate the Easter Bunny.

     K.D. Lang called and cancelled our date to the ball. Claimed she couldn't find a corduroy formal, with rivets.

     Now, parenting tip #1. If you’re really serious about having your infant son grow up to be a sports superstar, be sure to have him baptized with Gatorade.

     Unaccustomed as I am to keeping my mouth shut, I will now amaze you by doing so for two minutes 56 seconds while this joker sings....

     I asked the boss what I could do to improve my show. When I left he was still talking.

     Join us tomorrow when I'll do my impression of Mariah Carey being frightened in an echo chamber by a giant mouse that looks like Don King.

     (Next Jock) may be a little late. His relief hasn't shown up at the carwash.

     Up next, (Next Jock). So if you want to listen to someone who's sexy, suave, and sophisticated, you'll have to change stations.