Do you realize that Robin Hood and his
Merry Men might never have existed if there had been been a 3-day waiting period to
purchase bows and arrows?
I'm writing a screen
play about the sexual hijinks of a bunch of politicians stranded on a desert island with a
group of interns. I call it Swiss Family Clinton.
Don't you hate it
when you're busy on the freeway dodging pickup trucks and somebody calls on your cellphone
trying to sell you storm windows?
The newspaper on
Sunday has less sex scandals per pound than on any other day, unless you consider the
underwear ads scandalous.
At age 64 Barbara
Eden of TV's I Dream of Jeannie still has magical powers, but she had to get a
bigger bottle.
Today's
international political question. Since Moscow now has more watermelons than rubles,
should Boris Yeltsin switch to watermelon wine?
Back-to-school
memory: You know you're not the teacher's pet when you take her an apple and she throws it
at you.
If you bought your
new house five years ago, unfortunately, you probably still haven't paid for the attic.
Mark McGwire and
Sammy Sosa are teriffic, but I relate better to Babe Ruth's pot belly.
Did you know that
dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train
humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Do you realize we have ten Republicans and two Democrats running
for president, and nobody's sex life has been investigated yet?
