Today's Christian ethics question: Should assault weapons be legal in a war?

     Actually, when you think about it, underneath their clothes everybody's going around nude.

     I figured it up. The average North American spends seven months of his life watching beer commercials.

    Today's heavy thought: If they closed all the Wal-Marts, would there be any traffic?

     After watching their TV commercials, I now believe that all personal injury lawyers are shysters beyond a reasonable doubt.

     A California woman has been sentenced to six months in jail for illegally charging $8,000 worth of Beanie Babies. We've got to stop this illegal Beanie Baby business before it leads to the hard stuff -- Telletubby abuse.

     I was thinking about going back to school and majoring in hockey just so I could learn to understand icing.

     I enjoy the more charismatic worship service, but I still can't get used to the choir doing the wave.

     What a beautiful day. If Noah had had a day like this, instead of an ark he would have built a barbecue pit.

     Remember, if we hadn't attacked somebody, all that defense money would have been wasted.

     Today, thanks to my spell checker, I didn't dispel a single word.

    Freeway driving is a great sport, but don't we need more referees and penalty boxes?

     Coaches always say, "Walk it off, walk it off!" Your head could be twisted around 180 degrees and the coach would still say, "Walk it off!"

     I think it's great for schools to stay open year round. It keeps the teachers off the streets.

     And remember, whenever you feel the need for real confusion, just call the Help Desk.

     Maybe all the models in the fashion section look miserable because their puffy lips hurt.

     It was so foggy on the interstate this morning, there were a lot of cars only going 70.