I have to admit I'm doing much better on my diet since my wife put "The Club" on the refrigerator door.

     Of course, the big question is: should we wait for the UN to do something or should we wait for Saddam Hussein and the Iraqi Army to die of natural causes?

     I have an idea. How about if we invade Iraq with a crack commando team of former Enron executives?

     I played golf Sunday and I set a record. I hit the same tree three times.

     I believe the health care system should be reformed and that the doctors should only collect if they cure the patients.

     What this country really needs is a National Mental Health Plan for politicians.

     Life is sweet. I haven't had a single charley horse since I sold my Thighmaster.

     Let's face it, I'm just not fashion conscious. Heck, I still wear matching earrings.

     The religious right is a little different. On Sunday they take up a collection for needy Republicans.

     Teacher says, "Every time a Republican whines, an angel throws up"

     You know it's not a 4-star restaurant when they serve the soup and salad in the same bowl.

     The hostess said, "Do you prefer smoking or non-smoking?" And I said, "I don't really care as long as it's well done."

     What this country really needs is a genetically-altered TV talk show host?

     The Enron executives are easy to find. They all have high-ranking positions in the Bush administration.

     Cook-outs are very popular, and why not? I mean, why slave in a hot kitchen when you can mess up an entire backyard?

     Is there anything more wonderful than a barbecue? The smell of charcoal ... the  sizzling of a steak ... the picturesque way bugs stick to the hot dogs.....