The best things in life are
free–which explains why you had to pay to attend this event. Rain is in tonight’s forecast, and
that means El Nino is coming. Wind is also in the forecast, and that means something else
is coming–the speeches.
Before we begin the
program, I want to point out the exits in case the fire alarm goes off—or a speaker
won’t get off.
[After getting a laugh] That
concludes the entertainment part of the program. Now it’s time for the speeches.
[Commenting on a brief speech]
That’s the kind of speech I like: one that’s long on wisdom and short on words.
We have so many big guns in public
speaking here tonight, this program should be sponsored by the NRA.
Our next speaker has been
compared to Benjamin Franklin. Some people think he ought to go fly a kite...
Many of you came here tonight
looking for a dynamic speech, a good meal, a pleasant evening.... And I hope you get one
of them.
We have many speakers tonight, so
I won’t spend time telling funny stories you won’t believe. I’ll get right
to the introductions you won’t believe.
I’m not making a speech
tonight, so I won’t put you to sleep. But after the other speakers are finished, I
will wake you up.
