Q: According to a Louis Harris poll, with which are more Americans fed up: (a)
telemarketers; (b) multi-layered voice-mail telephone answering systems; or (c) junk mail? A: Some 59% said junk mail; 54% don’t want to press
one; and 49% detest telemarketing.
Q: Your boots are losing their shape. Should you: (a) never take them off; (b) see if
you can shoplift a couple of mannequin legs; or (c) place an empty egg carton inside each
boot? A: In her book Another Use for 101 Common Household
Items, Vicki Lansky says the egg cartons will keep your boots shaped up.
Wisdom: One of the
privileges of old age is to tell stories that nobody believes and give advice that nobody
follows.
Q: According to
research at the Harvard School of Public Health, Americans believe there's a 50% chance
they'll be involved in a serious accident. In reality, do they have: (a) a 5% chance; (b)
a 10% chance; or (c) a 15% chance? A: A 5% chance (Utne Reader).
Q: Schools close for the holidays in North Pole,
Alaska, but under what other conditions do North Pole schools close: (a) when there's a
polar bear hibernating in the bus; (b) when there's 24 inches of snow; (C) when the
temperature drops to 50 below? A: Only when the temperature drops to 50 below zero or
colder.
Quote: "Have you noticed? Every
Christmas you get a little closer to filling out your Santa suit without any extra
padding?" - Contemporary Comedy
Q: Every day in the U.S. about 7,000 couples marry. How
many couples file for divorce every day: (a) 2,300; (b) 3,300; or (c) 4,300? A: About 3,300 (Utne Reader).
Quote: "Last year we scattered fruitcake crumbs
for the birds, and several crashed on takeoff." - Contemporary Comedy
Q: Is the town of Gays, Illinois, most famous for
its: (a) possum racetrack; (b) two-story outhouse; or (c) annual Tomato Stomp?
A: Its two-story outhouse, once connected to a
two-story apartment house. Now it stands alone in a small park.
Quote: "It's the First Law of Christmas: The
lights always work great until you string them on the tree." - Contemporary
Comedy
Q: How many pet owners mention their pets in their
wills: (a) 8%; (b) 18%; or (c) 28%? A: 18%.
Q: According to a survey by the American
Medical Association, how many smokers don't believe they have a higher-than-average risk
of cancer: (a) 40%; (b) 50%; or (c) 60%? A: 60%. Some 71% don't believe they have a
higher-than-average risk of heart attack.
Q: In which U.S. state do more people say they
always buckle their auto seat belts: (a) Hawaii; (b) Arkansas; or (c) North Carolina? A: In Hawaii, 87% say they always buckle up.
North Carolina, 86%; Arkansas 85% (Centers for Disease Control, Atlanta)
Quote: "Have you noticed? No matter what part
of the world they're from, all babies cry in English?" - Contemporary Comedy
Q: According to Dr. Herbert S. Terrace at Columbia
University, have rats been taught to count: (a) to five; (b) to 25; or (c) to 45? A: To 45 (Harper's Index).
Wisdom: Everything has a purpose — except
possibly cockroaches and ukeleles.
Q: According to research published in Science
journal, what did rats fed a low-calorie diet do 50% longer than other rats: (a) squeak;
(b) sleep; or (c) live? A: Rats fed low-cal diets lived 50% longer.
Quote: "It's terrible. The first half of your
life you know it all, and the second half of your life you forget it all." - Contemporary
Comedy
Q: The average man laughs 69 times a day. How many
times a day does the average woman laugh: (a) 55; (b) 65; or (c) 75? A: 55 (USA Today).
Quote: "You know you watch too much TV if all the
buttons on your remote control are worn off." - Contemporary Comedy
Q: Your microwave really stinks. Should you: (a) clean
it with bubble bath soap; (b) zap a dozen roses; or (c) place lemon quarters and a cup of
water in a safe bowl and zap on high for three minutes? A:Health magazine says #c will work wonders.
Quote: "If you buy a pair of cheap faded jeans,
every time you wash them will they get brighter?" - Contemporary Comedy
Q: According to a new Yale
University study, how many Americans experience "office rage" or anger at work:
(a) 15%; (b) 25%; or (c) 35%? A: 25%.
Q: You are suffering from taresthesia. Does this mean:
(a) your foot is asleep; (b) your lungs are completely black; or (c) you can’t stop
hiccuping? A: Your foot is asleep.
Q: Does the average American household spend more for
energy on: (a) appliances; (b) heating and cooling; or (c) water heating? A: According to the U.S. Department of Energy, 44% of the
typical utility bill goes for heating and cooling, 27% for appliances, 14% for water
heating, 9% for food refrigeration, and 6% for lighting.
Q: Can removing a
tattoo cost from $1,750 to as much as: (a) $2,000; (b) $3,000; or (c) $4,000? A: $4,000, depending on how much red and green dye was
used. Removal may require five laser treatments costing $350 to $800 each (Cosmopolitan
magazine).
Q: Was America’s first First Lady, Martha
Washington: (a) five feet tall; (b) 5-feet-4; or (c) 5-feet-7? A: Five feet even. Short and plump.
Quote: "A fool and his money are soon wanted by
the home shopping channel." - Contemporary Comedy
Q: A new vegetable loaded
with vitamins and minerals is the offspring of broccoli and Chinese cabbage. Is it called:
(a) brobbage; (b) broccolini; or (c) chinoccoli? A: Broccolini.
Q: According to research at Princeton University, do
Americans pay more attention to news stories about: (a) Washington events; (b) sports; or
(c) health? A: Health. Then comes Washington events, local events,
sports, international affairs, business, consumer news, and science.
Quote: "Remember, money is the root of the tree of
which the limb you’re out on is part of." - Contemporary Comedy
Q: You suffer from
hypnophobia. Do you have an abnormal fear: (a) of being seen from behind; (b) of falling
asleep; or (c) of telling the truth while hypnotised? A: You’re afraid of going to sleep.
Q: According to an old Kentucky law, was it illegal for
a woman to marry the same man: (a) twice; (b) three times; or (c) four times? A: Four times was illegal.
Quote: "My dog is almost human — but I wish
he wouldn’t howl in the shower." Contemporary Comedy
Q: Which U.S. city ranks
#1 in the number of miles driven per capita: (a) Los Angeles; (b) Atlanta; or (c) Houston? A: Atlanta (Harper’s Index).
Q: If you get a new tattoo today, how long must you
wait before donating blood: (a) one month; (b) six months; or (c) 12 months? A: 12 months, according to Food & Drug
Administration rules, a precaution against potential infection in the blood supply.
Wisdom: No one is ever too old to learn, but some
people put if off anyway.
